Got $155,000 to blow? Clone Your Dog!

Why save a dog from the pound? Why buy a puppy from the local pet store? Because instead you can spend a ridiculous amount of money on cloning your dead dog!

Do what the old rich white people do! Clone your pets!

What recession? $155,000 is a small price to pay when your days on earth are numbered and you're looking for unconditional love from something that can't talk back to you.

"Wha chu mean I no espeak a whyte?"

Some parents raise their children to reach for the stars and dream big. Some parents encourage their children to attain their full potential and tell them they can be "whatever they want to be."

This was obviously the case for this piece of work.

What the hell is wrong with this trashy-ass-drag-queen look-alike?

"It was kind of like my dream to work at the [Hawaiian Tropic Zone],"

-Morales

WHAT?!?!

You mean your dream isn't to live uneducated and in poverty, pregnant living off tax payer money? Girl yo dreams' is big!

Here's my opinion.

You didn't get the job not because you didn't sound "white" but probably because you sounded uneducated.

You didn't get the job not because you're "ghetto" but because your brown lip liner and frosted lipstick screams 1996.

You didn't get the job not because you don't look good in a bikini.... er.... well actually, that picture of you in the Daily News does scream "Bad photoshopping! Check out the jagged contour of my waist! I'm not that thin!"

So Miss Morales I'm sure there's some brains in that pretty little head of yours, put it to good use.

A Letter to the Elderly

Dear Old People of New York City,

You are all really pissing me off. Let me begin by saying that I was raised the right way. I offer my seat on the subway or bus to seniors and pregnant women. I offer them to get on the subway car before me. I even smile nod and make small talk with those crazy ones out there seeking the smallest amount of human interaction.

But enough is enough!

I am sick of the shuffling old ladies trying to knock me down to get on the bus first. I am sick of old people telling me I can't exit the emergency exit on the platform when I'm late for work. If I really cared what the hell you had to say about the situation, I would ask your insane nosey ass.

But I do not!

Don't get me wrong seniors, I respect you. But as soon as you start pushing the envelope, getting nasty, nosey and butting in where you don't belong do not be surprised when I tell you where you can shove it. New York City isn't a place for the miserable and decrepit. So, stop wasting your breath and slow your roll. I'm going to let you on the bus first. I'm going to offer my seat to you, but if you get pushy, I'm gonna push right back.

Sincerely,
Nicky

"I thought that was you just singing terribly....... it's not you?"
-Brian calling to me in the next room where I was watching American Idol. Loudly.

The Inaugural Benediction (part II)

I have the most educated readers.

Thank you!

When an Administration Ends...

...work at Abercrombie!

Like this former Bush employee.

"...know that America is a nation of peace and dignity and we are ready to lead once more..."
- President Barack Obama

The Inaugural Benediction

Rev. Lowery was completely inspiring in his delivery of the Inaugural Benediction

“I’m equally certain that we will continue to pray for justice to roll down as waters, and for that day when there will be peace in the valley, and for that day when every man and every woman will sit under his or her own vine and fig tree and none will be afraid, and for that day when black will not be asked to get back, brown can stick around, yellow will be mellow, the red man can get ahead, man, and white will embrace what is right! Amen!”

Amen indeed!

Inauguration Day!

Today is also the start of my spring semester, but this morning I got an awesome e-mail...

"Welcome back for the start of the spring 2009 semester. On January 20, 2009,

Barack Obama will be sworn in as President of the United States of America. This occasion takes on great historical significance as President-elect Obama will be the first African American to be inaugurated as President. To allow members of the College community to participate in this historic occasion, the College will suspend the class schedule from 11:15 a.m. through 1:15 p.m. on January 20, 2009. The schedule will resume with the classes starting at 1:25 p.m."

Thank You Barack Obama!

Also, I want one of these to remember this historical day.

Things That Make Me Cry

1. Extreme Makeover - Home Edition
2. This letter from Barack Obama to his daughters


Seriously, the tears won't stop.

Real Furby!?

When I was younger the Furby craze hit and it hit hard. My sister and I, like every other kid wanted it. Needed it. Demanded it. And, like every able bodied parent who tries to fulfill their children's ridiculous desires, my dad left for the store and waited in line at 3AM for a 6AM opening. He described the scene as a total madhouse where parents were shoving, yelling, pushing, and kicking to get their hands on the tiny talking eyes-eerily-human-like furry dolls. Luckily he escaped with minor injuries and two glorious Furby dolls with which my sister and I played with for approximately 20 minutes before we lost interest.

Now, science has uncovered a real-life Furby.

"They have the distinctive, big-eyed look often associated with Furbys, gremlin-like talking toys that were popular in the late 1990s. Compared with the robotic Furbys, however, the real animals' dimensions are seriously downsized: They typically measure less than 4 inches (105 mm) from head to tail, with most of that length being tail. They weigh less than 2 ounces. And unlike Furbys, they hardly ever vocalize."

(via msnbc.msn.com)

What?! They don't vocalize? Can they still mimic me and and learn up to 30 words a day? NO?!!!

Well dad, I'd still like one. Start searching for airfare to Mount Rorekatimbo. Also, if you can find one that looks like the black and white one I used to have that'd be great. I promise I'll play with it every day! And I'll teach him to talk! I'll love him like he's my very own!

You Can Suck It

I guess I haven't really made it until I'm outright hated on the internet...

...any takers?

Post Racial America!

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

"Did I just wink at myself in the mirror?"
- Brian

Call Me Crazy...

My obsession over something hasn't been this enormous since Titanic, and the pang of jealousy my friend and I felt when we discovered a girl much more clever than ourselves had come up with the screen name "RoseDawson" (I really can't even make this up)

But after a very obsessive-compulsive addiciton to the Twilight Saga I decided I want to feel 14 again! So, I've done a little research and found this fan-freakin-tastic website.

My girlfriends and I have been talking about a get-away for just us three (don't judge me, so I only have two friends) and I'm seriously considering putting Forks, Washington on the table. I mean La Push looks nice enough for three 20-somethings to sit on the beach and watch the sunset. So it may be a little colder than the Caribbean that we've talked about. I'm sure we could handle it. We're New Yorkers for crying out loud!

I'm going to try with all the conniving and persuasive tricks I have up my sleeve to get a trip to Forks.

All I want to know is who's coming with me?

(photo via Forks Forum)

No Accent Tom?

Probably because the reenactment actors didn't speak. No worries though, you're quite believable as a german Nazi with a neutral American accent.

I'm sure that Tom Cruise is dedicated to his line of work, and because of this I'm sure he does all the proper research a role requires before he starts playing a German Nazi with no German accent.

Good thing you're paid the big bucks Tom.

With that said, I decided that Tom sat down one night with a bowl of popcorn and watched the Discovery Channel Documentary, Unsolved History: Killing Hitler. This my dear friends is so amusing because Tom studied my fiance's performance as the famed Clause Von Stauffenberg.

To think, Tom and Katie sitting at home (on what I can only picture in my imagination to be a yellow leather couch) studying Brian's every move and mannerism. Then Tom jumping up and shouting "But he doesn't do an accent! I too shall have no accent!"

This my friends is how a character is born.

What was that? You too want to learn how to be Claus Von Stauffenberg? Ok!

(skip to 6 minutes and 50 seconds)

"This bed is for Brian and Nicole. Not Edward Cullen!"
- my fiance expressing his feelings about my reading Breaking Dawn in bed.

Affirmation on a Starbucks Cup

Sometimes a smile is produced from the most unsuspecting places, reminding you of the most special and significant times in life.

Damn You Stephanie Meyer!

Twilight got me hooked. I soon found myself enthralled by New Moon and Eclipse, the second and third installments in the Twilight Saga. I also found my fiance to be threatened by the relationship I had formed with these 500 + page books.


Not to worry, he isn't the only man suffering the backlash of the perfect Edward Cullen. A man in Borders yesterday saw I was holding Breaking Dawn in my hands and proceeds to tell me his wife is obsessed with those books. Clearly he needed to get something off his chest, but I wasn't about to be his on-the-spot therapist. So I smiled politely nodded my head and mumbled something about him never being able to understand Edward before I awkwardly ran off.


Let me get back to the main point of this entry, which is Stephanie Meyer has produced paper gold, or in my case, hard cover crack. Yesterday I decided that the 4 days that had passed since I finished Eclipse was already too long for me to wait to find out what happens with Bella and Edward, so I absolutely needed to buy the last book Breaking Dawn. I figured I would go to the Borders on 34th street since it was close to my work and because I had a coupon to Borders (whoo hoo!). I walked into the book store, my senses on high alert for a black hardcover book with a chess piece on the front. Found it! Actually I found the Stephanie Meyer display with Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse but no Breaking Dawn. I proceeded upstairs to the young adult section confidant I wold find my fix there.


I did not.

At this point I was almost in a panic, so I found an associate and she told me the horrible truth.

They were sold out.


Oh God.


What was I going to do? I had to be at work in 45 minutes. Could I make it to the Columbus Circle Borders and get back in time for work? No time for questions! I made a run for it (ok, a very brisk walk, but still - I was in a rush)
I rushed to the train and then waited. And waited some more. Fifteen dire minutes later the MTA got their shit together and a train came rolling into the station.

By the time I got out of the train and up to street level I was sweating and didn't care if I looked like an idiot running for Borders. So I did.

Hallelujah!

There it was in all its gloriousness. Breaking Dawn sitting right there on the Stephanie Meyer display. I grabbed it and this is when I had the awkward encounter with the man rambling on about how much his wife loved those books and how he doesn't read but watches Sports Center. (Uh, hello! Pick up a book and maybe your wife will be half involved with you as she is with Edward Cullen!) No time for small talk. I raced to the line and it moved quickly. Looking at my phone I figured I only had about 15 minutes to get to work so there was no time for small talk with the nice gay Asian man who was ringing me up. My coupon. Oh no. I couldn't' find it.

"I don't care about the coupon! Just ring me up!"

$24.83 later I ran for the subway got on the train and sat down enjoying the high that had just come with my great accomplishment. Ahhhhh......

Thanks again Stephanie Meyer, for making me become slightly insane in order to get a hold of this book. It's wonderful being "that girl" in NY running with an ankle length down jacket holding onto her knit hat, purse flailing about. Good times.

This last book better be worth it, but I have a feeling it already is.