Give Me... *OSCAR* Movie Reviews!

So tonight is the Oscars, and I am sitting here watching it, appreciating the hilarity brought forth by the only two men I would ever consider leaving my husband for, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin. I didn't see all of the best movie nominees, but I saw a few, so here is the only review you ever need to pay any attention to!



Avatar
I saw this in 3-D and apparently unlike the rest of the world, I do not enjoy a 3 hour movie in 3-D. That doesn't mean I didn't like the movie, I actually LOVED it. It was beautiful, touching and pretty much really f**king cool to watch. The acting was great, especially by that Zoe Saldana (who I want to hate because she's so friggin pretty, but can't seem to dislike because she's also adorable) My very few complaints? Too long! the other thing, Jake Sully (Sam Worthignton) had some of the cheesiest lines, like laughable really. Overall, it was a really great movie, go see it, spend the money, it's totally worth it.

Up In The Air

Are you kidding me?!?! This should have been nominated for a Razzie! WORST MOVIE EVER! When I meet George Clooney, I'm asking for a refund, he's now on the list along with Brad Pitt. The movie was slow and boring. Yeah ok, I get it Jason Reitman, the economy sucks, people are getting laid off. Why then should I go to the theater and pay $13 to watch it?! I'll just turn on the news! I want someone to comment on this post and tell me why I'm wrong because it was painful to watch. My husband FELL ASLEEP! The one good thing? George Clooney's line:

"I stereotype because it's faster" that line my dear friends is brilliant.

That was the only good thing about this film. Really wait for it on cable.





District 9
I had no idea what this movie was supposed to be about when I put it in the DVD palyer, but I soon found out. It's shot documentary style which is awesome because the story is really told so much better. You can't help but side with these aliens and think that the baby one is so cute! Some people on my facebook news feed got a little carried away with the "meaning" behind the film. Yeah, anyone with a brain can figure it out, you're not a genius for making the observation but thanks anyway. Nice try.



UP
What an adorable movie. Should it have been nominated for best picture? No, but it was a really cute story, but again, a little too long, even though it was only an hour and half, it felt longer.
Cute movie, but no Wall-E.


Inglourious Bastards
I can't fairly review this movie, because I can't stand Quentin Tarantino or anything that he makes (yes even Kill Bill, so shoot me)
I will say that I hated Brad Pitt in this and I could not buy B.J. Novak as a nazi killer, he should stick to the office. Oh and Eli Roth, seriously? Your face on the screen makes me want to go into a violent rage and kill the screen on which you appear. Please, do not try to "act" I'm embarassed for you. Really.


I didn't see the other Best Picture nominees Precisous, The Blind Side, The Hurt Locker, An Education or A Serisous Man. I've heard The Hurt Locker is fantastic and Katherine Bigelow should win best director. I hope she does, because I'm sick of james Cameron!

Give Me... Movie Reviews!

Ok, so I'm a little behind on this one but I finally got around to seeing Twilight and boy was I let the f*** down!

WHAT?!

Ok, I get it. I know that movies are NEVER as good as the book, so I sat down to watch this move with that in mind. While the movie as a whole is expected to not be up to par, the acting totally sucked vampire balls. Rob Pattinson, you were fine. Kristen Stewart - ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Not only do you bring no personality to Bella, you don't ever stop twitching!

What do you have turrets? An eyelash in your eye? Some weird twitching disease? What is wrong with you?

And would it kill you to be somewhat interesting in an interview? You bore me to sleep and are awfully obnoxious for someone so uninteresting. There should have been talk of recasting you instead of soon-to-be gay man idol Taylor Lautner. Although they should have replaced Taylor with this guy. Or this one.

Serisouly Kristen, a student in an acting 101 class at community college could act circles around you....... literally.

Oh and the director, Catherine Hardwick - thank you for not coming back for New Moon! Did you shoot this on a Handicam? Was that the reason for all the weird angles and sometimes shaky feeling?


I doubt I'll be watching New Moon when it comes out.

Give Me..... Movie Reviews!

I am so over movie reviews because they are so freakin' misleading!

In an attempt to rectify the movie review situation that has plagued the industry I have decided that I will be so kind as to let all you good people the truth about the movies I spend my $9.50 on (yes I said $9.50, NYC is expensive, do you actually think I will pay $12.50 when all I have to do is press "senior ticket" at the self serve kiosk? Wise up people c'mon!)

Australia
This movie has gotten some pretty terrible reviews like "With three storylines, a ludicrous performance by Kidman, and Baz's self-indulgence getting the best of him, AUSTRALIA is one of this year's biggest blunders." That my dear movie lovers, is completely inaccurate!

I had my doubts going into this movie and it won me over almost immediately. The scenery is beautiful, great direction by Baz Luhrmann, and Nicole Kidman is probably the most entertaining I've ever seen her. The complaints about this movie are that it's over the top and grandiose and 'phony' even, but this film seems like a return to the days when Hollywood made beautiful movies that moved people. Maybe Hollywood should take some direction from Luhrmann and start making movies that are poignant and beautifully executed instead of people getting blown up and f**ked 6 ways from Sunday. I'm sick of wasting my hard earned cash on films that promote sex and violence and drugs, or films that try so hard mimic real life disaster and trauma.

This film is on my top 10 favorites, right up there with Pretty Woman (what girl doesn't love it?) Waitress, and Bella. The little boy who plays Nullah is a breath of fresh air in an industry where child actors make me want to stick a pencil in my eye (I'm talking to you Dakota Fanning and Miley Cyrus). Not ever having acted in his life and found straight from an Aborigine tribe in Australia, Brandon Walters can act with the best of 'em, and he proves it in this film. He will steal a little piece of your heart and make your soul smile.

Get with the program filmmakers, I'm not wasting my money on Terminator Salvation or Punisher: War Zone. I know my dad is totally disagreeing with me right now saying "hey, those are good movies" but really dad hasn't that all been done before?

It's time Hollywood, to bring back movie making that take us away from our lives entertaining the senses and delighting the soul.





Four Christmases
Ahhhh, Vince Vaughn thank you for not letting me down and totally delivering, carrying this film. And thank you Reese Witherspoon for being completely sweet and utterly predictable. What a strange dichotomy these two had, but it works. Vaughn delivers his usual improv-y talks-too-much kind of quick wit humor and Reese is, well I never really dislike her choice in scripts. She knows what works for her and she sticks to it. Good for you Reese.

Ok seriously, I was so not wanting to see this movie but I got up early and caught a matinee. I'm glad I did (because I liked the movie but still not enough to spend close to $13 for it). It was amusing and funny, semi-lighthearted, semi-depressing if you went to see it by yourself (which I did), but all in all it was pretty good and hopeful, like Australia.

Ok, I know it seems I'm reading a little too deeply into a Vince Vaughn flick with using words like depressing and hopeful, but, well it is! Especially the Christmas Play part. Vince, you are so entertaining.