Because as if there wasn't enough crap on television, now there are the real desperate housewives of........
wait for it.....................
wait for it..........................
New Jersey
Are you kidding me???????? As if Jersey isn't bad enough; smelling like burning tires, producing Guido Beach, and the True Life: Jersey Shore disaster.
HELLO!!! Now you're going to introduce these real-life desperate housewives to America and think peoples opinions of dirty Jerz is going to change? It's going to make it worse! I already know what these bitches are going to sound like with their trashy accents and their dire attempts to prove they are in fact 'strong east coast (probably Italian American) women'.
Know what Bravo? You can take your desperate Jersey mom's, and shove them up your ass.
wait for it.....................
wait for it..........................
New Jersey
Are you kidding me???????? As if Jersey isn't bad enough; smelling like burning tires, producing Guido Beach, and the True Life: Jersey Shore disaster.
HELLO!!! Now you're going to introduce these real-life desperate housewives to America and think peoples opinions of dirty Jerz is going to change? It's going to make it worse! I already know what these bitches are going to sound like with their trashy accents and their dire attempts to prove they are in fact 'strong east coast (probably Italian American) women'.
Know what Bravo? You can take your desperate Jersey mom's, and shove them up your ass.
I don't care what state they choose, they should stop putting "Real" before the Housewives part. Nothing of this is real, and it's annoying.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I can say now though is not all of Jersey is bad... although Hoboken is more like another NYC borough :)
Dear Nic,
ReplyDeleteI love you. You're one of my best friends’ girlfriend....so that gives me carte blanche to pretty much say whatever the fuck I want, give you a high five, or put your ass in check when you get out of line. Case in point…
Now.
Before I say anything...I have not received any of your updates on your blog. What up with that? I will attempt to subscribe once again on this thing in the hopes that it adds me this time. I do enjoy your blogs...and I can only hope this fucking thing will actually publish my comment this time.
Okay...
Now before I comment on your Jersey hating ass...I need to say this about The "Real" Housewives.
Fuck em.
I just want to grab them and not like hit them or anything...that would be fucked up.
But maybe just like....choke them out a little.
I mean what's a quick Rear Naked Choke among friends, right?
I admit I have watched the show. Not religiously but, on occasion. Why? Because I'm a hypocrite...just like every other God damn American out there. I piss and moan about how bad reality TV makes us look but, I still watch it. I mean...what would you rather watch? 12 assholes climbing over each other in a pool of cow shit trying to find a gold coin so that their "team" is safe from elimination tonight. Which is really crazy because Johnny Z. might be going home tonight because Sarah S. from Team PoleSmoker an alliance with Flavor Flav when Ray Jay wasn't looking and Brett Michaels was hooking up with my Grandmother behind a garbage can.
Or...
The news.
FYI: The economy sucks. Actually it’s fucking terrible…and the last thing I need is a fucking 411 reminder everyday about how much it sucks. Somehow when I come home from a miserable day at school I don’t think:
“Hey I know…I’ll watch CNN and some dipshit in a suit that probably costs more than what I make in a week is gonna tell me that Bank of America, The fucking MC Hammer of Banks, just went belly up today and Applebees is now asking for a bailout because nobody's buying their shitty $12 salads anymore.
Boo fucking hoo hoo.
No thank you CNN. Instead I'll plug my mind body and soul into the train wreck that is reality tv. At least until somebody gets shot or the economy turns around. Whatever comes first.
As for the real housewives of buttsex county...
They are whores.
All the them.
Their make up is thick and applied with a shovel to cover the deep canyons on their face that look like the fucking surface of the moon when they wake up in the morning.
Filthy.
Filthy.
Whores.
They marry rich...and divorce richer. Then they complain that their life sucks and that their children are spoiled. Then they drink 4 martinis, giggle like school girls after the prom and blow the mechanic.
**thumbs up**
Moving on...
As for Jersey?
New Jersey is fucking awesome and you need to step off because it will always be awesome.
And yes...it *is* the armpit of America and you know what?
I fucking love it.
I love the smell of factory smoke and the sound of police sirens and fire trucks cascading through the night on their way to save or kill someone.
Maybe both. After all it is the weekend.
The air perfumed with exhaust fumes, something fried, and the vulgarity of dock workers.
Incidentally, you will never have better pizza than in Bayonne, NJ and that’s the fucking truth.
Fuck that New York Pizza. That shit's over rated. $3.50 for a plain cheese that's been hanging in the display window all day like a fucking sit-com prop?
Fuck that.
Gimme that paper thin Jersey shit with the thick pepperoni and extra cheese for $1.75 a slice. Go ahead try it...you know it's fucking heaven on a paper plate. Your secret’s safe with me.
True we are some violent mother fuckers in Jersey...can’t argue that and Newark and Jersey City (my neighboring town) are definitely no joke after nightfall but, what the hell, it aint like you New Yorkers are fucking saints either. You guys do some wild shit in Brooklyn and in the Bronx. Seriously.
And PS...New York fucking smells too. Don't give me that "Jersey smells" but we're so clean shit.
New York fucking stinks.
That wino, stale beer, cat-piss, body odor I haven’t washed in 10 fucking days kind've smell that follows you around like a bad fart.
But despite everything I love NYC too don’t get me wrong but, Jersey is my home and it is awesome. Stop fucking hating. Diner food @ 3am is a Godsend and you know it. I’m fucking sick of people ripping on Jersey like it's the cool thing to do. Jersey’s got personality…a bit psychotic at times but, what the hell. You gotta do something to pass the time. And what better way to vent your frustrations with the economey and your life overall than on the stranger standing too close to you on line.